Lord of the Things
by sideshowtom
Summary: What is the thing in this huge multiple crossover? WHO KNOWS! I SURE DON'T BUT READ AND REVIEW ANYWAY
1. Old Friends

"Lord of the things"

_This is a fanfiction merging Lilo and Stitch with Lord of the rings mainly, but also includes some other stuff. Please read and review. Also, I don't own anyone in this story, so don't sue me._

_Three things for the experiment kings under the sky_

_Seven for cartoon lords in their halls of T.V_

_Nine for the mortal Gantu's doomed to die_

_One for the evil lord on his evil throne_

_In the __land__ of __Sordor__ where the shadows lie_

_One thing to rule them all, one thing to find them_

_One thing to bring them all and in the darkness bind them_

_In the __land__ of __Sordor__ where the shadows lie_

(I dislike the beginning party of the book (none of which I own), so I skipped to where Gandalf (whom I don't own) talking to Frodo (whom I don't own)

"Lilo (Frodo) you must take the ring to Riverdell. There Nani (Bilbo) awaits you already. From there, the council will decide what to do." Muttered Jumbalf (Gandalf) in his Hawaiian print robe. "The darkness is rising in the east." 

"But how?" whispered Lilo, "Why are these evil things happening. And who is behind them?"

"The evil Skeletor is mustering his forces. Sordor is a fortress city and it would be too hard for a simple girl to travel there alone. So this will be your ally!" Jumbalf reached down into the bushes and extracted a blue furred alien. "Er… Hiii." Growled Stitch (Sam). "As will these two" grumbled Jumbalf as he extracted experiment 625 and experiment 624 (Merry and Pippin). Now you must go!"

_Later that night_

Lilo awoke with a start to the snore of her companions. She looked through the darkness and gasped as she saw a hulking blue figure mounted on a struggling horse. The creature was swathed in a nightblack cloak and wielded a wicked plasma sword. She drew back into the brush and the evil Thingwraith slowly trundled off into the distance. Lilo slowly roused her friends and the ran off into the darkness, trying to avoid any dark shapes they saw. 

They slowly came up to a small town, lit by bright street lamps. They stepped up to a tavern and stepped in under the swinging wooden sign depicting a large dead fish. They all sat at one of the rough wooden table and ordered some coffee and coconut cake. As Lilo and Stitch nodded off slowly, they heard raucous laughter from the bar. 625 and 624 were at the bar and talking of the thing that Lilo had. Then suddenly, she had something hit her in the back of the head. She turned around and saw no one. Picking up the object, she found a small note:

_Come to the back of the bar. I await you there._

_I know of the thing and you must escape the Thingwraiths_

_They still trail you_

_Destroy this message and join the rebellion._

_From: Aragorn Skywalker_

Lilo walked across the restaurant, rapping together her two friends at the bar first. As she came into view of the bars back, she saw a man (or so she assumed) clothed in tan robes that hid his face. He said nothing, but pulled her along the bar and grabbed the others along the way. As they came outside, they saw a horse tethered outside and they all hopped on. But as they began to ride out of the town, they saw 9 red beams burst out from the hands of the tall Thingwraiths. They rode forward and slashed the legs from the horse, blood spilling along the ground. Aragorn grabbed Lilo and the others while jumping with some unseen power up onto the top of the bar where there was, strangely enough, Stone Henge. Aragorn ignited a large blue lasersword as the Thingwraiths appeared as well. But as soon as he had ignited his blade, one of the Thingwraiths shot it out of his hand with a large plasma cannon. He then grabbed a large torch and set fire to two of the creatures. "BLITZNAK!!!!!!!" they screamed as they tumbled off the building in a blaze. But as he turned, he gasped as another one of the creatures stabbed Lilo in the chest. She began to glow red and he screamed, power emantating from him. The swords were thrown from the creatures grasp and they were thrown into the blaze. Aragorn jumped past the blaze and onto another horse he stole. (stealing is evil. Do not steal unless giant evil beasts are chasing you.)


	2. We're Boned

Stitch, Sandwich (625) and Siren (624) shivered in the night air as they clung to the back of Aragorn. But they were also shivering from worry as Lilo's face began to grow darker and gaunter before their eyes. Aragorn looked worried as well and as the moon rose higher and higher, bathing them in its gaze, he slowed. At about midnight, he stopped and set up camp. But without a word, he grabbed Lilo, threw him across his shoulders, and told them that he was leaving to take Lilo to Riverdell alone. But even as he began to leave, a low laugh came from the trees. A tall experiment came through the trees, its large blue head bobbing up and down. Its tentacles swayed and wavered as it greeted Aragorn and took Stitch in its arms. "Yin, you can't take him. You will never make it!" "I am a faster rider that you are. Besides, I want to be mentioned in this here story!" With that, a huge whirlpool engulfed the experiment and the girl, and they raced off into the forest. "Aragorn, what's the matter?" "Never you mind you little sandwich making machine" growled Aragorn.

(I dislike the fight with the Ringwraiths, but will include them much more later for those of you who love them)

_Some days later, in Riverdell_

"So it is decided. Aragorn will take the Hobbits on to Mordor and destroy the ring. They will bring along Jumbalf for help. "You will have my fists" growled Kixx, the purple four armed Experiment, getting his bow and swords ready. "Bite my shiny metal ass. I mean, you will have my booze" grumbled Bender as he drew out some liquor and drank it in a swig." "And my blaster" growled Boromir Solo, drawing said weapon. "Go with speed my friends. And take a donkey!" yelled Experiment 001 (early General esque experiment, my own version). "They will win. They always win" he growled. He heard a loud beep and turned around to see Fibber (experiment 13 I think) grinning as he buzzed again.

_Many days later…_

"So little girl, what shall we do? Cross the Pissy Mountains or go through the Sears mines (halls of TV, get it?) of Planet Express?" growled Jumbalf, shivering in the cold of the blustering wind (wait this is Hawaii Earth. Change that to sweltering in the sun) "Let us go through the halls. My buddy Fry will be there with friends." Growled Bender, sucking down more booze. "The mines it is then." Yelled Lilo, as her friends sipped frosty chocolate shakes (early Simpson shorts reference). As they came to the mines, they saw a huge, big screen tv before them. Jumbalf muttered "Open sesame" in all the languages he knew, but nothing came of it. Then Bender said "Eat my shorts Fry, open up!" The TV glowed to life and became a huge, swirly doorway thingamajiger. They stepped through, and were greeted with huge eraser shavings covering the ground (they are cartoons, so when they die, they are shavings. Blood is ink, ect.) "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooo…." Yelled Bender as he saw his brethren cut down in their prime time slots. But then, they all turned to see 625 collecting some water from a murky puddle. "mmmm, swamp sandwich…" But as he bottled it, a huge eye appeared. Covered in garbage, the tentacled beast grabbed 625 and ripped him apart, smashing him down into its teethy maw. 

"We're boned."


	3. DOOHHH!

Chapter 3:

DOH!

The friends gasped as the huge one eyed Dianoga (trash thingy from Star Wars) grabbed Sandwich and stuffed him into his mouth. Or did he? As they looked, the creature hacked and coughed until a large, bread shaped version of Sandwich was hacked onto the ground. And Sandwich jumped away, running into the portal with the others. As they walked through the dank pits of despair, Bender sniffled as he saw Bart's Skateboard, Leela's boots, Amy's sweater, and other discarded, decrepit pieces of his friends. But then, they heard it. It was quiet at first, but grew louder and louder and louder. They climbed up innumerable stairs and it grew louder and louder, until they heard the shuffling of hundreds and hundreds of feet. They turned and saw them. Tall, white armored Goblin/Stormtroopers came running at them, the Goblins drawing their bows back and firing hundreds of arrows at once. The Partay of the Things (fellowship rip off) ran back wards, dodging the whizzing shafts of doom. They also had to dodge laser bolts, as the taller, better equipped Stormtrooper Orcs began to fire (these two enemies are orcs/goblins in white stormtrooper armor, but you can still see their faces). They ran down another hall, and began to hear huge, slamming footsteps down the hall. They turned, and after seeing several goblins swing by on a chain, they saw a towering Baseball Beast. The hulking monster swung a large wooden club and smacked several huge grenades at the adventurers, which exploded and killed several goblings/orcs.

Continuing after that sports mishap (aka team sports are evil) our heroes charged into a larger, danker room than the rest, obviously a tomb. "Hmm. Seems to be tomb of some kind. Yes? He he he." Grumbled Jumbalf. But even as they spoke, Bender jumped onto the top of a tomb stone and yelled "Oh this is jack crap. If only we had a pimpmobile. Oh wait their already here." Aragorn jumped up, his lightsaber swinging through the air and cutting down several of the enemies, but more kept coming through. Kixx was overwhelmed but continued to kickbox down more and more of the enemies. Bender chucked booze, which the orcs gladly sucked down, becoming inebriated and drunken. He then would kick some butt. But they all forgot about the giant Baseball beast until it grabbed a huge basketball and began to smack them down on the ground like snails in the morning dew. "Oh bite my shiny metal ass!" yelled Bender. And so, the bomb locked in his chest that Scruffy never did get around to removing, decided to awaken and heard its code word sounded.

Several seconds after our heroes ears stopped ringing and they stood up, they began to run, seeing hundreds more enemies emerging from behind the dead and beginning to make chase. But then, as they came to a bridge, they turned and saw a huge shadow fall over them all. And then, the Doughhog came into view. Its huge domed head held three thin hairs and its huge gut hung out like a globe. It cracked a large whip made of doughnut dough. "HOMER NOOOOO!!!!!" screamed Bender. But then they all saw that they could use another walkway to get to the otherside. But they would have to kill the… oh wait, the enemies ran away, screw that. But for dramatic purpose….

"NONE SHALL PASS!!!!" screamed Jumbalf as he ran out to meet the beast. He urged the others to run, and a huge flash of white light exploded from his staff end (yes he had a staff and magic all along you dopes!) But then he missed and the bridge split in to two pieces. He watched as the Doughhog plunged down, yelling "DOOOHHHHHH!" as it fell. But then, he did one of those old cartoony, run on thin air things and fell to the depths. "JUMBALF!!!!!!" screamed Lilo. But then Bender bent down, scooped down and ripped her up off the ground. And they ran like small, very strange looking, chickens.


	4. Grade F Story: Mostly circus animals, so...

Lilo and her companions panted as they continued to run from the accursed mines. But as they stopped, she began to cry. She had lost Jumbalf. He had been like an uncle to her. And now he was gone. She sniffled as she felt Luke's hand on her shoulder and she looked up to see him smiling. They now slowed to a trot (wondering what happen to their horses? Me too…) they came upon a huge river, its frothy depths immeasurable from their place at its bank. As the minutes passed like days, they began to get bored. BOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDD!

(Yup bored) But then, as they felt like they would die, a large glass globe came flowing down the river like a ball. It bounced onto the ground and began to glow. And suddenly, it glowed, and the screen shimmered like one of those flash back sequences….

_Jumbalf walked forward through the great tower of Northanc, his soles smacking against the ground heavily. He looked up into the great towers nether regions and suddenly saw a blast of glowing red light. Huge bat like wings swooped down at him and he gasped as he saw what his old friend Vlad had become. A huge red eye blinked in a golden socket from the robot's triangular face. Large claws and drill like teeth adorned his triangular, slim body. Pulsating wings of pure energy swung lazily in the air as he smiled and said in Romanian voice "I have become NOS-4-A2. My master Skeletor bears you greeting!" at this, the robot screeched and Jumbalf was thrown upwards by his dark magic. The older man blinked his four eyes and yelled, spinning his staff like a sword and sending a crackling burst of electicity at the enemy. NOS-4-A2 growled and used more dark magic to swoop up, dodge the blast, and summon several towering Robo-Orcs (Urukai, like orcs only cyborgs) to drag Jumbalf away…_

The scene slowly changed to one of Lilo, Yin, and the towering Thingwraiths…

_Yin wrapped his tentacles around the tall experiments neck (experiment 573, my own version) which was long like a giraffe. The scenery swam by like a rushing river as their speed increased even more. But suddenly, nine large red beams came shining in front of them. Yin ripped the reigns up and 573 jumped up over the towering Thingwraiths and onto Riverdell…_

And again, the scene changed to the company in the prescence of several tall experiments..

Oh wait, that is really happening. "Well that explained a lot of plot gaps" said Lilo with agreements all around. "We are experiments 623, 615, 515, and 004 (the last 2/1 numbers are the letters of W,O,O and D in the alphabet). What brings you to the great rivers of the powerful and ancient Internet?!?!!? The experiments boomed in loud voices and seemed to radiate power and wisdom. So the company followed them and as the woods drew denser and even more so denser, they ceased to stop. After many hours, they came upon a large clearing where several large stone seats were positioned. The expermints of the wood sat in these and threw things upon the ground before the adventurers. A coat of chain mail, some playing cards, a paper clip, bubble tape (how much can YOU handle?), a ring pop, a large diamond, some "naughty" books, several vital human organs, a map of Sordor, and a list of ways to defeat Skeletor. And then, the adventurers were suddenly whisked away back to the river, as if out of the dream. But then they saw 625 reading some "magazines" and knew it had been real. They also found several boats waiting for them and they climbed in, heading down the white water rapids.


End file.
